How it Feels to Leave it all Behind

In an effort to record my feelings for posterity I explain here what has occurred in the last month of my life.

I have left my job of 11 years.  I have given away my car.  I’ve gotten rid of 99% of my belongings, stripping down to a mere 11 boxes now stored in my sister’s garage. I have said goodbyes to my best friend, my work friends, my mother, my sister and my boyfriend.  I have left Portland, Oregon, my home for the last 11 years.  I have no intention to return.  I have no home there.  I don’t know where I will land when this adventure is over.

The last week I have had the strangest dreams, no doubt caused by anxiety, of which I have plenty.  For someone as riddled with anxiety as I am it seems almost masochistic to take on such an endeavour, not only traveling alone but traveling without much of a plan.  But somehow, once I arrive, my anxiety lessens and knowing I can’t control everything helps me relinquish and relax.

Yesterday I vacillated between sheer exhilaration and pure terror about today.  Today is the day my new life starts.  I have waited for this day for five years.  So many days of work and so many days of frustration wondering if I would ever be able to make this dream come true.  And here I am. Finally. Amazing.

I just went through security at Dallas Fort Worth Airport and the agent asked if I was traveling alone. “Yes”, I said. And I smiled. And he replied with a big smile “Bless you girl. Bless you.”  And in my mind I thought “I’ve already been blessed”.

And here I gooooo.  First stop: Cancun, Mexico.  Join me.